My postpartum depression lasted about a year. I had my kid in April 2015 and I started feeling (kinda sorta but, not really) normal again in April 2016. I have struggled with mental health issues most of my life. Another scary thing was that my biological great grandma committed suicide 4 months after giving birth to my grandma. So I was well aware that the probability of me suffering from postpartum depression was super high.
What I didn’t expect was for my life to be as miserable as it was. All I ever heard was that being a mom was a blessing. You always hear about women bragging about how great pregnancy is and how taking their baby home and raising them was the best feeling ever. I felt the exact opposite of that. One time it was about 4am and JT was screaming his head off. I sat on the edge of the bed and all I could do was cry with him. My body was numb, I couldn’t move. I could only sit there and sob uncontrollably. I thought to myself, I ruined my life. To make matters worse, the person that was supposed to be my biggest supporter/helper was MIA (both emotionally and sometimes physically). About 6-7 months after having my son, I decided to divorce my (now ex) husband. Going through postpartum depression while simultaneously navigating a failed marriage was tough. I had days where I didn’t know if I would make it through.
Going through all of this gave me a newfound respect for moms who do it alone. Having kids wasn’t exactly a part of my plan, but at the time my mindset was different. It’s often engrained in young women (in my case, young, Christian women) that we must live to serve our men. I did what I thought I was supposed to do. Obviously, now that I’m a grown woman, I feel differently (If you want to read more about that, click HERE ).
I’m very fortunate, in that I was able to get back on my feet fairly quickly, considering the circumstances. However, I realize that may not be the case for other women.
Now that a few years have passed, I am able to say I regret nothing. I have to keep it real with y’all, raising a kid is hard AF. I still have my days where I am just burnt out and semi-over it, but I am still better than I was a few years ago. My life has improved tremendously. If It were not for my son, I would not have all that I have today. He pushed me to be a better me. I have someone looking up to me and that keeps me going. It took me a long time to get here, but I am finally happy.
Oh and PS, I’m not having any more kids. One is enough to get me to reach my full potential, plus y’all ain’t offering me $$$ and nanny services to raise these kids. Stop asking me.