I blow up on people. Like...pure, unfiltered rage.
I let my emotions get the best of me. I blow up, I cut you off and I move on with my life. Is that healthy? Absolutely not. Will I go back and make amends? Unlikely. If I'm at the point of blowing up it's because I have been wronged by you one too many times. While I may be wrong for the way I handled the situation, I don't regret what I said.
That being said, I realize I need to work on my delivery. I also realize that the cause for my blow up is on me. I have trouble setting boundaries in most of my relationships. Romantic, platonic, familial....all of em. I set the tone for how my relationships play out. I can't keep letting things slide and then get mad that people take advantage. I allowed it. I allow the disrespect and then blow up when I'm not offered the same care/concern that I give. The reality is no one owes me anything. They are looking out for their best interest. I f*cked up by not looking out for mine.
Boundaries are necessary. There would be 0 cause for me to blow up if I set the standard from day 1. I can't control how others operate, I can only control myself. I recognize I need to do better.
I was recently on LinkedIn and saw a post from a man named, Daron K. Roberts. A student of his was going through rejection and when he stated that he understood, she challenged him and told him that he 'had it all figured out'. This prompted him to share his rejection resume with her and his peers on LinkedIn.
Lately, I've been trying to give myself more credit for my accomplishments. I tend to feel like I'm never doing enough. While chatting with my therapist last week, I realized that in only 2 years I was able to increase my salary by 150%. I hadn't realized how far I've come. I was in a super crappy situation not too long ago, but that's not what people see. They see my current accomplishments and assume I'm lucky or blessed. I may be those things, but I also work my ass off and sometimes I fail. I fail A LOT! My rejection resume (pictured below) is only a VERY small sample of some of my failures. I decided to save the bigger tales for future blog posts.
Enjoy a snippet of my failures. They hurt at the time, but now I am so grateful them.
Some of you may have noticed that my personal IG disappeared. Sometimes when my mental health takes a hit, I have to disconnect. This is one of those times.
Over the past few weeks, a lot in my life has gone horribly wrong. I feel like I'm drowning. Thankfully, a relative noticed something was wrong and got me immediate help. I'm back in therapy and working on battling my current demons. I'm tired, but I'm still fighting. Could use all the positive vibes I can get right now.
I'll be back when I can.