Don’t compare your ‘same 24 hours in a day’ to mine (or anyone else’s for that matter). ​

I've been slacking when it comes to this site. However, I promise it has been for good reasons. I've been MIA because I have real life sh*t going on. In the past few months:

1. I've had a nervous breakdown (complete with multiple instances of suicidal ideation).
2. My son temporarily moved in with his dad (at my request).
3. My relationship with my mom fell apart.
4. 'Restructuring' at my job had me questioning whether or not I would be able to keep my position and pay my rent.
*The list goes on, but I'll stop here for now.

I've struggled with mental illness for the bulk of my life, but it hit an all time low around early September. The anti-depressants I were on starting causing physical damage. I had to stop cold turkey. Anyone who has been on any type of psych meds knows that's a big no-no. You're supposed to be weaned off before switching to something new. Problem was, I've switched insurance since then and have been unable to find a new psychiatrist. A few weeks before the meds fiasco, I decided to get on birth control, an IUD to be exact. The combo of not having my meds + the hormones from the IUD was a terrible combination. I became withdrawn and suicidal. I spent weeks (yes, full weeks) crying. It was to the point where I couldn't even work. Most of my shift was spent crying at my desk and my work suffered because of it. 

I'm finally in a space where I'm feeling a lot better. The IUD was taken out, I found a great therapist that I've been going to for the past 5 weeks and I was able to bounce back at work. Admittedly, I'm not 100% back to being myself but I'm a constant work in progress.

If you're reading this right now and happen to be going through something similar DON'T GIVE UP! I can write a book about all the roadblocks I faced while trying to get help. It will not be easy, but you have to keep pushing and keep trying. Don't be afraid to ask for help, you'd be surprised at who can be there for you in your time of need. 

And I love it.

Yup. I cut all my hair off.
Why???
Let’s dissect.
​

In my life, I have always done what was expected of me. Went to school, got good grades, went to college, graduated, got engaged, got a job, got married, had a kid….in that order. I did everything the “right way”. With the exception of having my son all of those things left me all unfulfilled. (Admittedly, I didn’t always feel that way about having my son, but I will save my postpartum depression stories for another post).