Whenever I blog I tend to lay everything all out on the table. I’m open. I'm honest. I’m raw. I’m unfiltered. But lately my SO helped me realize that that’s not actually the case in real life...

So on an earlier post I went in on a guy I previously dealt with. Well today I'm here to bring my own stupidity to the forefront. This guy....we'll call him Miles...

Therapy f*cked me up this week. It's crazy how a 45 minute session can get you to reveal things that you didn't even know still mattered. This week I realized how much an experience from my past shapes the way I operate today.  

Have y'all seen the Netflix series Dating Around? Please go check out episode 2 if you haven't. I watched that episode and it (sadly) spoke to my soul. I've encountered a few men that have issues with the fact that I've been married before. That's fine, but you don't need to be a dick about it...

It's just not for me.

So I debated for a minute whether or not I should discuss sex/relationships on my blog. Unfortunately, there are A LOT of opinionated people in the mom blog world. Initially, I hesitated because I didn't want to damage potential partnerships. BUT....I am who I am. I'm allowed to have a life outside of being a mother. Sex happens to be a part of said life. A mother?! Having sex?! Shocker, I know. That being said, let's get into it...

Don’t compare your ‘same 24 hours in a day’ to mine (or anyone else’s for that matter). ​

I've been slacking when it comes to this site. However, I promise it has been for good reasons. I've been MIA because I have real life sh*t going on. In the past few months:

1. I've had a nervous breakdown (complete with multiple instances of suicidal ideation).
2. My son temporarily moved in with his dad (at my request).
3. My relationship with my mom fell apart.
4. 'Restructuring' at my job had me questioning whether or not I would be able to keep my position and pay my rent.
*The list goes on, but I'll stop here for now.

I've struggled with mental illness for the bulk of my life, but it hit an all time low around early September. The anti-depressants I were on starting causing physical damage. I had to stop cold turkey. Anyone who has been on any type of psych meds knows that's a big no-no. You're supposed to be weaned off before switching to something new. Problem was, I've switched insurance since then and have been unable to find a new psychiatrist. A few weeks before the meds fiasco, I decided to get on birth control, an IUD to be exact. The combo of not having my meds + the hormones from the IUD was a terrible combination. I became withdrawn and suicidal. I spent weeks (yes, full weeks) crying. It was to the point where I couldn't even work. Most of my shift was spent crying at my desk and my work suffered because of it. 

I'm finally in a space where I'm feeling a lot better. The IUD was taken out, I found a great therapist that I've been going to for the past 5 weeks and I was able to bounce back at work. Admittedly, I'm not 100% back to being myself but I'm a constant work in progress.

If you're reading this right now and happen to be going through something similar DON'T GIVE UP! I can write a book about all the roadblocks I faced while trying to get help. It will not be easy, but you have to keep pushing and keep trying. Don't be afraid to ask for help, you'd be surprised at who can be there for you in your time of need.